Tigers don't cry: “Now that even democracy is robbing you of your own land we want to see you weeping Black man”

By Hadebe Hadebe

On Tuesday 30 June 2020 on Kaya FM, Unathi Nkayi hosted a gentleman (Tebogo) who is a founder of a social organization called ‘Magents Let's Talk’...

According to its Facebook page, this is “a platform for men to talk about life challenges and help each other grow to be better men. Ladies are welcome too, we don’t only give an opportunity to men but we also care about the well being of the boy child.”

What intrigued me was what Tebogo said: “Men should speak up and cry.” He says he was amazed that when his mother died 30 years ago his father did not cry. He adds that the father seemed to show no emotion all these years.

He goes on to say that his organization wants to encourage black men to talk about what troubles them as well as to cry in order to release anything that maybe troubling them. And when needs be, they need to cry bucketfuls of tears.

This is quite interesting that suddenly a black man is being ‘panel-beaten’ to fit certain agendas that are taking advantage of the reported crimes that some black men commit against women and children. This perspective assumes that any frustrated black man, for whatever reason, must just wail like a police siren and his problems will be solved.

Crying comes natural when one is in pain but not all situations need tears; but now someone thinks he can teach someone to sob like a baby.

As a psychometrist by profession, though not practicing for many years, l seem to understand where the likes of Tebogo come from. However, I feel that they are missing the point or they are prescribing an inappropriate solution where something else is needed. These soft interventions are a misfit to the society that they are targeting because their perspective is ahistorical and blasphemous.

There’s a general narative that a black man needs to shed his thuggish image. He’s untrustworthy, unrepentant and at worst primitive. He’s subhuman and has no refinement of a human-being: thus shedding those tears will upgrade his default setting and poor design. This is the demonization of someone who is down and out.

Socio-economic disorder is much more complex than anyone can imagine. There’s a saying that “indoda yindoda ngezinkomo zayo” (a man’s worth is measured through the depth of his pockets). This phrasing is much deep and philosophical since it talks about wealth accumulation, and dignity. To end a social or an economic disorder, a dual approach of soft and hard interventions is required.

What this means is that the identity of a black man needs to be restored first. He needs both material and immaterial accumulation to realize his well-being, which is, inter alia; performing his role as a provider and leader, not just within his family structure but in his community as well. He wants his land, culture and his kingdom. He demands the welfare of his own family and all the comfort that comes along with it.

Respect and recognition 

Ignoring the reality that material well-being is much more important in modern societies is more like denying that Donald Trump is a president of the United States. Thus, the focus should begin with empowering individuals with skills, knowledge and behavioral traits that enable them to break the shackles of poverty. They need to escape the permanent underclass which was designed a long time ago.

Now, who is this nonentity in the world that asks him to cry?

Going around telling black men that they should be crying while their lives continue to dissipate before their eyes is insulting, disrespectful and continues to show lack of understanding of what the black man needs. He wants to be materially secure and stable enough to raise his own children and not to worry about where the next meal will come from.

A black man needs opportunities to accumulate wealth and to build his legacy like his forefathers. In fact, his son as bearer of his surname has always been viewed in African culture as important. Not that women are least important, but their grooming too is extremely important not only as mothers but as an embodiment of culture, values and a glue that keeps families together.

A family is a foundation of any society. It raises and shapes people to become humans that are able to live with others, empathize and take care of other people. If not, then the African sociological arrangement is subject to some experiment of disorder: a colorless society without shape and form.

Nonetheless, the growth of a boy should always be parallel to the growth of a girl, or his future wife, colleague and acquaintance. That is the reason children are seen as a greatest gift in any society. They have to be cared for and raised in a secured, healthy environment. The father is always central to the direction the family takes with the help of the mother. Today, the girl-child is encouraged to stage a rebellion - the African family is under threat.

Nonsensical ideas of patriarchy or misogyny seek to undermine the structure of an African family, which has women and children as its precious foundations. There is nothing in African philosophy that promotes that men should kill or oppress women and children. Current ideologues unnecessarily portray the African man as self-destructive and feudal. They act like missionaries who came to civilize Africans.

Former President of the African National Congress (ANC) Oliver Reginald Tambo remarked, “A nation that does not take care of its youth has no future and does not deserve one.” But the questions are: Who has to take care of them? Who has to show them the future? How does that person takes care of them if he or she has no means to do so?

It is not simple to answer these questions, but weeping is definitely not a solution.

The black man is isolated, excluded and prevented from gaining access to modes of wealth creation to do exactly what Tambo said. Every day he wakes up to see his children in a desperate state. He shares a small shack with his wife and his four teenage children, who will soon need to go to university. But their destination points to a taxi rank or  a street corner as a prostitute or a common criminal.

This sums up the condition of a black man who continues to melt like ice cream on its stick, altogether with his own family. He has no means nor energy to stop this from happening. His eldest son, who spent time hanging in a street corner smoking nyaope or ganja due to unemployment and poverty is in and out of prison. No one knew that he was an “inkabi” (hitman) for the local taxi association.

But this time the son is now serving time in prison for killing his girlfriend and her boyfriend after he found them sleeping in his rented place, where he lives with his two little girls. The father is hapless and cries every night. He doesn’t know what to do.

If he finds it amusing to talk to these economically wrecked men, Tebogo may as well read bedtime stories to himself and close friends.

What is also strange is that dominant narratives which seek to reshape the identity of a black man after many years of oppression and dehumanization are being carried out by black men against themselves. The black man should reject these NGO-sponsored ideologies that seek to change his identity and to deprive him his life and identity.

Children need a father, not a grown baby full of tears in his eyes!

In conclusion, feminization of a black man in any manner by Eurocentric psychologists and their foot soldiers such as ‘Magents Let's Talk’ isn’t the solution. In fact, this is what Robert Malthus and eugenics in the US long dreamed about:  castration of a self-assured, strong and industrious black man who was seen as threat to white dominance, and the white race itself.